Use the path of silence to get rid of your anger
Each of us experiences negative emotions on various occasions. And they vary in their frequency, strength and intensity depending on personality and situation, our degree of maturity and emotional intelligence. But there is something that is common – we create the furious monsters in ourselves with our thoughts , not with our feelings.
And while we can only influence our feelings after they are born, we have more control over our thoughts. Emotions come to our lives through our bodies-they are given, they are not subject to our will-control, and they are related to the type of nervous system. The genetic origin of emotions makes us so different, we call it temperament, and it leaves the characteristic imprint on our personality .
Anger is one of our most basic emotions.
We all experience it, regardless of its cultural affiliation. Some of us are more outrageous, others have a higher threshold. But we all know one thing:
Closed in the circle of anger, we are unable to break away.
To be angry makes you blind and deaf to yourself and others. We lose the objective idea of time and place, right and wrong. And the only thing we strive for is to hurt.
The Trap of Anger and the Battle with Our Nature
In our society, anger is emotion-taboo. For the well-being of all of us, it is clear to us that this is an extremely unacceptable emotion. Because it leads a devastating behavior that is detrimental to us as well as to others.
Once exploded, the only purpose is to hurt. We call ourselves and others with offensive labels. When we calm down, we self-harm and we pity ourselves. We feel powerless before ourselves and our nature, and from there – even more angry. It is impossible to forgive or forget those who are angry with us. Neither shake and move on.
How often do we say that we can’t stop being irritated?
It is true that everyone is responsible for their feelings, as it is true that our experiences reflect the events inside and outside of us. We are not cut off, but we live together and sometimes foreign actions and / or words, void or unintentional, hurt us.
When we think of the difficult things that bring us out of balance, we give them names. Labels. We try to explain the situation and why it happened to us, we feel unjustly bitter and undeservedly suffered the insult. We experience (not) just anger.
When we give our pain name, on the one hand, we understand it better. Accumulation of words, on the other hand, hurts us infinitely more than the situation itself. Where is the golden environment? When should we stop talking about our pain and how to experience it more easily? And why is anger not the way to healing?
The wounded man is angry, and the anger is easily bruised.
The Relationship between the Word and Wrath
Nurturing anger with words, stories, labels, and epithets prevents us from going out of the vicious circle, and instead of healing, we create a monster in ourselves. A ugly creature that eats us takes away our sleep and rests us, makes us blind and deaf to the good and the beautiful. It binds us to the pain, dazzles the power of the will, and makes us believe that we are powerless .
This raises anger towards our “abusers” who have hurt us first (void or unintentionally). Anger, for days after the conflict, the pain in our country is still alive, we recreate it in our minds again, and again through stories or monologues in the mind.
We are trapped in years, we get stuck in the notebook, and the worst thing is that sometimes we are stuck with people with whom we probably have no way of dividing our paths and forgetting.
They say that anger is an expression of frustration. I have accepted for myself that the presence of anger means wounded Ego, a violation of our system, a lack of balance.
We get angry when they endanger our perception of ourselves as we want to see and be seen.
To succumb to anger is a deceptive way of “curing” our wounded being. We are reeling and stirring our anger out of the moral position of sacrifice – of people and circumstances – and reference to our ” just right” of fierce self-defense.
It is not impotence, but self-destruction.There is another time, difficult, with more pain – “the way of silence.”
The way of silence teaches us that by feeding our anger in words, we actually “fertilize” that monster we are trying to escape.
This is an alternative strategy to tackle pain – here we learn to accept , not to explain situations and events. Reception does not require words, labels, and excerpts.
It requires us to realize that this has happened, we are hurting us, and now we have the task of learning to live with this pain. This is almost always quiet, within us, without the need for discussion with others.
Scars remain, but scars are living. We heal the wounds, because as our physical body can not move if it is hurt, so our consciousness can not break away from the burning pain in our soul.
We’re all familiar with the tactic “count to 10 in your head” and then react.
To this tactic we can apply a few more layers and turn it into a complete system of overcoming anger. we do not think about our anger.
First, we report that it is there, and our first job is to keep silent – both in mind and in voice. We do not tell, we do not regret it, or if we feel we do it – we stop.
We assume that anger is a kind of alarm Nature has given us to know when there is an intruder in our perimeter. No one says we have to shoot meat. Sometimes we are angry at people and events that DO NOT want to hurt us, but we think they are a threat to us. Do you feel anger, give yourself time and count to 10 – if there is no threat, take down the guard.
Secondly , the understanding that anger leads to frustration does not bring us change, but bonds .
Anger is a powerful way to move away from the point where we feel broken or hurt, and that’s just the opposite of frustration.
We can choose anger to signal that we urgently need to change the way we look at the situation. ” Emergency” is the key word because we get angry when things are out of our control. An instant response can protect us from gloomy thoughts.
In other words, anger occurs when we lose control. If we have to think of an alternative solution, our brain will be busy with this decision and we will be better able to master it. We will learn not to pay attention to the anger itself, but to ourselves and our behavior AFTER it has arisen.
We do not change our essence, we change our actions
The choice to change our mindset is always ours, we have this freedom, and there is no one to take away from us. The Strong Person knows when to say “NO,” but he can also show empathy .
The path of silence can be painful , because when we do not get angry, we stand directly before ourselves, in front of our injured and offended being, without wearing the illusory shield of anger and sacrifice. And here is a strategy to help yourself – silence in you is strength, learn more here .
Anger can serve us and protect us, but when we eat it with words and it grows, these words remain in us, hurting us more than the traumatic event itself. We repeat ourselves as recording again and again what we are trying to escape.
We do not hurt foreign words and actions, we are harming ourselves with ours.
How does one embark on the path of silence?
When we feel anger, we just assume it’s there that it’s there. And we ignore him. We do not choose him as a guide, we do not act according to his impulse. We do not suppress it, on the contrary – we count it. And we make a conscious decision.
For some people, anger has a figurative character – a fiery ball in the stomach that begins as a flame and through the words it feeds and grows. We rely on the anger to protect us, and he becomes the great monster that will save us. And reality is another – it feeds on us, with our flesh and emotions.
Giving matter why he came our anger, we can change our view point. When we see things in a new light, we are able to choose what action to take – approaching or avoiding the incident.
How is this approach different and how will our lives change?
The way of silence teaches us to look at the flame in our stomach as the hidden alarm that something in the outside world is confronted with our personal convictions for us and our world. And if we do not take the necessary steps, we will be hurt. He teaches us to accept things as they are.
Life is what it is.
Whether we are angry, whether we mourn or live at rest. Whether we believe we can change our destiny, or that it is designed and follow it incessantly.
Our beliefs help us choose our way, but they do not change life itself. We change it by modeling our own perceptions of being.
I do not know if we can stop anger – I assume that once an emotion is given to us, we need it and we can learn to use it for good, to serve us for growth and development. We are just people – our ego will always suffer in one form or another.
There are probably people who cross the limits of their personality and do not have such experiences. For me, like many others, I have to struggle with the consequences of the weakness of my human nature.
Emotional people experience their pain at a tangible, almost physical level – it is not accidental to say, “my heart hurts .” It is extremely important for them to learn to break away from others in a healthy way before their fatigue and anger come to an end.
The path of silence is courage – when you realize that “your heart hurts” – do not blame yourself at the one you experienced the pain and not give your will and freedom to your anger.
Don’t give a name to your anger.
By embracing his pain, understanding and changing his attitude, we are capable of healing. And while the monstrous anger gives us the deceitful sense of power, superiority and moral justice, it makes us painful, humble and quiet.
If we get angry constantly and often, it becomes our second nature. It is easy to get used to anger, it gives a tone of tone, a charge.
But it also takes away – from the rest, from the sense of integrity, from the belief that we like it and that we like it. It makes us mindful and lonely.
Anger is a bad counselor.
But it can be a tool through which we can leap over ourselves. It teaches us to set boundaries, to be flexible and adaptable. Taking into account our anger without letting us conquer, we will be quicker in reactions, more humble, and less refractory under the tension in the middle. We will learn to accept. And let’s go on.
The path of silence is the best you can give yourself.
This is also a way to have a better relationship with others.
Imagine what it would be if you do not break out if you save words and insults, spoken under the influence of an affection. And how would your business model change, how stronger and stronger the relationships with customers and partners are, if in the silence of your anger you accept that the crisis has happened and now you are just looking for a solution rather than a culprit.
It is sometimes difficult, very difficult to stand up alone, misunderstood and confused by its pain because it is always greater than it. But only at first glance.
Look for someone with whom to share your pain in silence, emotional support and a reminder of how wonderful you are, instead of filling your space with stories and feeding the monster in words.
How many links could we save if we were silent and took our pain, the other, the mistake instead of getting angry and looking for guilty.
That you are right will not make you happier either today or tomorrow. Try to be nice.
When explaining to a child what anger is and why it hurts us all, metaphor is simple: when you are angry, your heart hurts. And the only thing you want is my heart to hurt me so I can understand your pain. But instead of understanding now name two hearts that hurt them.
It depends on you where you will stop.
You are the change – your worldview will change your subjective reality. And the subjective perception is what builds our rarity as we each know.
Everyone brings something in their life that they believe strongly in. Above all, we should believe in ourselves, in the good in us, in the overpowering ability to overcome our fears and self-deception. We are capable of changing ourselves and our reality.