Some people easily adapt to a new environment, communicate freely and casually in a group, and quickly find a common language with different people. For others, however, this process is very difficult and even painful. These are the so-called closed people who are hard to relax. It is a torture for them to engage in a group’s relationships, especially if they are unknown.
When it’s normal, shyness is even charming, and slight tension can be stimulating for man.
Often, however, the worry of closed people is so great that they are tense with a lot of tension when they are among more than one person. At the thought of how they look in the eyes of others, they block, do not dare to engage in the conversation and express an opinion or share what they feel in order not to expose themselves.
When they are at a gathering, they are constantly alert, standing up until they tell them to sit down, afraid to seek out or ask for something. They feel like punished children, who can fight at any moment.
Typical of shy people is that they constantly analyze their behavior, think of every word they will say and again and again blame themselves for behaving stupidly.
Where does the worry come from? Why is it so difficult for some people to relax in the company?
I have convinced that the worry is not at all related to the lack of any qualities or opportunities.
In most cases, the shy people are extremely intelligent, they have a number of skills, they are met with new ideas. However, worry prevents them from sharing their ideas publicly. They avoided speaking in vogue and remained inconspicuous in the crowd.
If they manage to relax, they are very good interlocutors who can learn a lot.
Shyness is also not related to lack of beauty or limited financial possibilities. It is a delusion that if a person is more beautiful or dressed in expensive clothes, he will escape from his shyness.
Often many beautiful people and people with opportunities are sensitive to social assessment and avoid communication. Obviously the problem is not in this …
Then what is the cause of shyness?
Concern is formed as part of the character in childhood and at the core, and there is the fear of condemnation, the fear of being yourself.
In some cases, past experiences, “failures,” or rough treatment of others may leave a trace in the subconscious. And in every communication or similar situation, the stored reaction is triggered. Worrying people attach great importance to the opinions of others and are extremely self-critical and demanding.
How to deal with shyness and anxiety?
First of all, accept yourself as you are.
Stop blaming, analyzing, and demanding too much of yourself.
Do not be tormented by the constant desire to change and become “open”. The very thought that you are anxious and that you have to change at all costs creates additional tension and makes you turn around.
Assume that you are unique and perfect as you are.
You do not have to change, you do not have to talk and behave in a certain way, you do not have to like others.
Take this heavy burden from your shoulders.
You do not even need to have a great deal of self-esteem and show confidence .
All you need is just relax.
If you accept yourself as you are, the others will accept you.
Decrease the importance that you attach to the opinions of others.
Think why it’s so important to you what people think. You are most likely afraid of being denied …
Accept that you can never like each other and that not the opinion of others is important, but your own.
Recognize how you feel.
Instead of trying to hide your anxiety, it is better to admit – “I’m very nervous, my thoughts are gone” or something like that. This recognition will automatically reduce the strain.
Focus on the specific moment.
Shy people are so busy analyzing their behavior and taking them around, losing the thread of the conversation or missing out on some important moments of the situation.
Turn your attention away from yourself and direct it to others and what’s around you.
Do not think about the moments in the past when you have “stumbled”, but focus on what is happening at the moment. Try to learn something about the people around you, ask them about the things they are excited about, hear what they tell you. You will see that if you concentrate on the conversation itself, not on how you perceive it, you will begin to relax and find that communication can be very interesting and enjoyable.
Usually, most people are worried about in the presence of
the so-called – authorities or people they consider to be more of them.
Know that “authority” is nothing more than you.
Whatever you need to talk to – with a prominent politician, president, famous actor or Olympic champion, remember that they are like you. And they have their problems, fears, worries, shortcomings.
Refrain from thinking what they are doing or what they are known for.
Don’t perceive others as hostile beings
The sole purpose is to monitor and evaluate you. People have enough other cares and hardly how you behave will be the most important thing that interests them.
Do not think everyone has been focused on you. You are not the center of the world.
Begin to give your opinion. Do not delay this for
the next time. When you want to share something or join the conversation, just do it without waiting for a “handy moment” without considering whether it sounds stupid or funny.
It has occurred to me in an unfamiliar company to want to share my point of view, but while I’m afraid to say something, the conversation has already gone to another topic or people are leaving.
But when I do, I get the confidence, I relax and I am surprised at myself how generous and free I can be.
So just take the first step.
Of course, every person in certain situations worries and feels insecure.
And do you worry when you fall into an unfamiliar environment and how do you overcome tension? Can we feel everywhere in our own waters?